A Crying Tear From Huo?

KL has been drenched in rain for the past two weeks, and everything looked so down and gloomy, especially for me.

While I was hanging out in a gym in Chin Woo Athletic Association in Bukit Chin Woo, KL one day, I was told that effective on 1st of January 2008, there will no longer be a gym as it was said to have stood in the way of progress.

For about a year I have found a place in the heart of KL in which I called home. Whenever I'm free, I'll drop by Chin Woo, pump some iron before calling it off as a day,assured that I will wake up with even more vigour and energy the very next day. Located right below a stadium,the small place, about 35m X 15m was infested with mosquitoes and I couldn't even walk straight without touching the ceiling but I didn't mind. I met a bunch of funny men, all of them have great physiques and all of them enjoy talking rubbish, just like me. Charging only a mere Rm12 a month, I thought that I have found paradise.

The gym, a former bathhouse-turned-exercise-facility, owed more of its existence to its members than its administrators. During the hey days of Chin Woo, a few poor bums started a gym by welding each exercise tools, such as benches and racks into place, the steel coming from nothing more than a garbage dump site. In spite of all the deficiency and half-past-six equipments, Chin Woo Athletic Association has contributed a fair share of national representatives of weightlifters and body-builders, my coach being one of them. Hopefully, in the next article I'll show you some pictures.

Nevertheless, due to internal politics and power-mongering individuals that knows how to fight for a post in an organisation but don't know what to do with it, Chin Woo has been losing its shine. The recent act of axing gym from its continuation is the ultimatum that death is knocking on its doorstep.

As you will see, iron weights do not rust easily and the gym has been running over 10-20 years with '0 cost' maintenance. What cost Chin Woo is the electricity bill which is more than covered by the gym membership fees. Undoubtedly, the biggest lost-making asset in Chin Woo is the swimming pool. In fact, according to many sources, everything is making losses and the gym is the most profitable of them all.

So, why the death certificate to the gym? Apparently, the gym has the least participants of all its ongoing activities thanks to the gym being at the back of the stadium and the lack of promotion from Chin Woo's administration. Who will thought of gym when Chin woo is mentioned to them? It was in the hope that sacrificing people like me allows for further developments for the piece of real estate, such as a few more parking space(:s). Since when commercialising is part of Chin Woo's dictum? It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the gym is sacrificed to that other activities can be sustained.

As you can see, Chin Woo has lost much of its spirits of sportsmanship. People take charge of Chin Woo just for the namesake and personal gains. People no longer want to put effort into something just for the love of it. Everything must be '$' that comes to mind. For everything else, there are plenty of scapegoats. Anybody here heard of Chin Woo doing promotion and membership recruitment drives in schools and colleges?

Mismanagement has caused Chin Woo a gym. I wonder what will be next. Anyway, the gym will formally cease operation on the 28th December 2007. If you guys want to have a real taste of what it is like, come quick. Opening hours from 5.00p.m. to 8.00p.m., weekdays only.

Toufoo Troopers?

About 2-3 days ago there were big headlines in all newspapers and tabloids, bringing the news of a few paratroopers drowning in Langkawi during a rehearsal for the LIMA show. Apparently there was a gush of wind coming out of the blue and blew them off course, resulting in 3 dead and a dozen injured. There was much grieve in the nation, including me and many accept it as the Act of God.

Out of curiosity, I wonder why there is suddenly so many people become Samyvellu??

IMHO, the government really owe us a good explanation. Either that or I missed out something. We already have graduates who can't speak, police who can't run and now, soldiers who can't swim?? What is the government doing with taxpayers money?

I remembered vividly that during standard 5, I watched a documentary on survival skills that says a parachutist needs to cut of his parachute-line right before his feet hit the water. A still attached chute will drag the person along the current into the deep sea.

If soldiers died as a result of smacking into skyscrapers Tarzan-style then I'll be able to comprehend. But well trained soldiers drown because they hit water!? C'mon!! I'm sure there must be better explanation than that.

Just imagine:

Scenario #1
You are on a plane crashing into the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Will you jump out of the plane in a chute or not?

Scenario #2
You are the army commander. Singapore is invading and deploying paratroopers are critical. You need to check the weather around the clock to minimise occurrences of 'Sudden Gust of Wind' and whether the rally point is anywhere near a swimming pool. A paratroop retaliation on Singapore is virtually non-existent because the damn bloody rock is so small the troops probably end up in the water anyway.

Scenario #3
You are a paratrooper.
1) You cannot land into the jungle because your chute will get caught with the branches and you will be dangling like a swing.
2) You cannot land near a pool because you drown.
3) You cannot simply jump off a plane because you need to test the weather before hand. Try shoving off your colleague to test the wind.
4) Preferable destination is an open air-field, no wind and a grand red carpet laid down for you to land on.

Therefore, I hope you guys out there can tell me more about parachuting and this 'sudden gust of wind' thingy because I'm wondering whether the troops are:

1) well trained
2) well equipped
3) too good, so much that there were no rescue boat and first aider around the scene of accident.

Do leave your comments.

A Different Perspective

Recently I was fortunate enough to have an invitation from a close friend of mine to a stand-up comedy in Bangsar Shopping Complex albeit on my own expense. The title of the show was 'Eh, Got Free Ticket ah?' featuring Douglas Lim, Harith Iskandar and the evergreen Jit Murad.

The reason why I went is because I was totally captivated by the front part of her email: 'Eh, Got FREE ticket ah...'with the question mark totally overlooked.

It was a show poking fun of Malaysia's distinctive culture and way of life, and sure enough it was full with political undertones. For those who has no clue of what is stand-up comedy, it is somebody giving a talk on just about anything and issues are brought up in a fun way. A good stand-up comedy does not only leave you in stitches but actually give you something to digest.

I must admit that I've learnt as much as I laughed but the most important lesson of it all was what it takes to be a good stand-up comedian.

Jit Murad

As what Douglas Lim said, it is very challenging for a Chinese to become a comedian. As it is, there are only 2 Chinese comedians in Malaysia, one being him and the other Lim Keng Yaik. I thought all along that an entertainer is a blessed lot, where they can use their inherent traits in looks and voice to charm the audience but the eye-opener that I had recently really opened up my rusty tin can called the Brain.

A good comedian needs more of a good brain that charms to come up with loads of ideas only to condense them to a very few killer-jokes. From these jokes, he has to weed out those that don't send out any positive messages to the public. And then, there is also the question of appropriateness as all the points need to be summed up and weaved intricately into a 30 minute show, one point linking another. After that, comes relentless practice for the very big day. If added on to the effort placed on body-grooming and polishing oratory skills, a stand-up comedy is not really that 'stand-up' after all. Of all the comedians that I met (though very few), all of them can knock the sparks out of a neurosurgeon.

This experience made me appreciate entertainment even more and I hope that my mom can read my blog and understand the values of true entertainers. After that, hopefully she will be very supportive of me going to cinemas and actors studios and provide me 100% subsidy along the way. Fingers crossed.

ps: To a very very sweet girl out there, don't forget you owe me 13 bucks ya!!

Malaysian Politicians Say the Darndest Things

I was at Popular Bookshop last Wednesday sniffing for new books as usual and I came across a book by Amir Muhammad, Malaysian Politicians Say the Darndest Things.

Its a thin book and I finished it in one sitting. It contains some of the more quirky quotes and remarks by Malaysian politicians from 1980s onwards and I have to say that I couldn't stop laughing my heads off. For RM 30, this is surely a must by for true Malaysians as it revealed a lot of the behaviour and mentality of Malaysian politicians (Which I must say is not one of the most honest).

It displays much of the oratory skills our politicians have and also some of their slip-ups and derogatory remarks.

Some of those didn't even contain any cow sense as in:

“The Indonesians and Filipinos don’t even have enough to fill their stomachs. Who are they to lecture us on press freedom? We are more qualified because we have full stomachs”
-Information Minister Mohamad Rahmat

"He is not clever at doing it... to be a fraudster you need skills. Fraudsters should always be a notch above their victims. He didn't learn from me or I could have given him some tips... As a father I am disappointed."
- Senator Muhammad Abdul Ghani, implicating his son in a scandal of cloned Approved Permits (APs) for imported cars. (The New Straits Times, 11 October 2006)

"FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!"
Bung Moktar Radin (Barisan National-Kinabatangan)

This is a really satisfying read. Other quotes includes Samy's comparison of toilets with wives and PAS's remark that the government should employ ugly Malay women only because the prettier can get rich husbands. (At least this way Malay boys will be more independent when looking for a job!)

At the end of the day, I found a new revelation where I become much closer to the country. Though it is not the best way, I do feel proud of being a Malaysian. At least we don't get into fist fights like in Taiwan or Japan. We resolve things in such a comical way!

Thought you've seen it all? Wait till you read a 1980s letter from Mahathir to a then European boy of 10, Abercombie. It'll make you laugh with your tears rolling down.

Banks the Den of Thieves??

A few days ago i went to the bank to run some errands. It was not the rudimentary type of deposit or withdrawal, and i needed assistance. When i was still standing in front of the numbering machine, still pondering which service i actually need, a staff came across me politely and inquired me if i needed assistance. I smiled and turned my head to her, but then my sweet smile turned to frost.

The first thing that went into my mind was 'Rompak'. Aghast, I took a step back, and had a quick, second look. There, hanging by a lanyard was a button with the words 'Bank Rompak Bonus Kami' inscribed on it.

I thought for a second somebody was approaching me with the intention to rob a bank. I heaved a sigh of relieve when I found that it was not but I couldn't stop revolting on seeing the deceiving smile on the assistant's face. As some of you might know, some banks had recently 'renegotiated' a plan that no longer guarantees 2 month bonus to bank employees. It enables the employers to have a more flexible hand in rewarding the more productive and effectively cut done fixed cost.

I couldn't feel much sorrier for the banks. With the current economy facing the onslaught of recession, they have to put up with the enemy underneath the cover (Musuh Dalam Selimut). Wearing those buttons are totally unprofessional and inconsiderate as their public display of defiance also carries a heavy dose of hypocrisy. One might ask:

If the banks are thieves, why not quit the job all together?
Why work for thieves?
If you work for thieves, doesn't it make you a thief as well?
Does defaming the company which logo you are wearing not defaming you as well?
Does scaring away the customers help the bank to feed your kids better?
If banks are thieves, then who the hell are you if you take your wage and at the same time destroying the image of the one that is paying you?

This is a disease of Malaysia. I'm 100% supportive of them protesting for their rights if and only if they take time off from their job and have a work strike. At least then they come clean and fight with real 'backbones'. I'm disgusted. Seeing bloodsucking Malaysians acting so dignified make me sick!!!

For pictures, see this poor Maybank. This tiger has fleas!

How many zeroes are there in a Trillion?

If

1 million = 1,000,000
1 billion = 1,000,000,000

A trillion wil be = 1,000,000,000,000, with 12 zeroes.

How about Rm4 trillion then? well, I guess, for zeroes, if any, there will only be one - Malaysia.

Last week, my first impression on this case was the lawyers trying to shame the government in a desperate attempt to raise the profile of the backwater Indians. Little did I know they were going for broke.

First of all, kudos to all of them for having such guts to do it. Gathering a 10,000 strong possession is not an easy feat, considering that public awareness and civic mindedness in Malaysia is wanting at best. Perhaps next time, they'll do a much better job agreeing on a time with Keadilan eh?

Photos of the protest on Sunday, 25th November 2007

Pics from Reuters

I pity the Indians. Being the poorest among the 3 majority races (races according to history books) , they are often sidelined and 'overlooked'. Brace yourself that Mr. Sammy might declare it as an 'Act of God'. But really, they couldn't expect him to do any better job, or any other Indian leaders for the matter. No point blaming him for lack of action on issues branded 'taboo' for the last 40 years.

Pic from ChinaDaily

Grabbing international limelight is surely a way to overcome it. I certainly will pimp myself just to know what's going on in the mind of The Honourable Dato' Seri Syed Hamid Albar right now, Malaysia's foreign minister who had just been on BBC HardTalk denying any racial differences and endorsed that each and everybody is contented with the New Economic Policy.

Nevertheless, one wonders how foolish can it be risking the lives of innocents defying the government when at best they could garner only 8% of the population. At best, I would think it is a stalemate.

Surely, a possible outcome is for the government to have an ISA crackdown, much like OPS Lallang, and the issue will be washed away by time.

The other scenario will be for the government to give promises for the Indian community, and

1) Never actually work on the promises
2) Actually work on the promises and:

a) Successfully turn around the fortunes of the Indians.
b) The promises are not kept 5-10 years down the road (Malaysia has 3rd world mentality in maintaining things)
c) The promises were revoked 5-10 years down the road because of rising oil prices

For scenario B, at least MIC will have the opportunity to keep the government in check.
Anyway, I am certain there are other 'happier' options to deliver the message across. I came up with 3.

1) Sue the British Government once in a while, including the families of British leaders in Malaya back then. Keep the limelight focus on the plight of the Indians.

2) Produce more babies and have a bigger say in everything when they reach 30% of the population.

3) Shut-up and learn from the Chinese.

Its all for you to figure it out. Do leave your comments.

HELP Lantern Festial

7th of October 2007 will always be a day to remember, for various reasons.

First of all, it will be an integral part of my record breaking event in which i will be spending 12 straight days in HELP, due complete this coming Friday, hanging out with the same dudes and doing stuffs a little bit more exciting than watching paint dry.

Secondly, dined in the dark, by the drain, with 3 hot chicks and the rain came pouring. (Hope i grabbed the correct fried chicken)

Thirdly, was able to cheat a bed sheet from the guys from Hitz.fm by asking them for the last trading price of HIC.

Fourth, got to run around with Dr. Paul Chan in the rain.

And finally, had a taste of becoming a big time mooncake seller.

All these made true only through HELP Lantern Festival 2007.

It is by far the only charity event that i have mixed feelings. As known, HELP is raising funds to help a particular student, Ms. Chia Leng Yau who suffered from Leukemia. Being at the fore front of charity, AIESEC HELP helped out in the event, by selling mooncakes for HELP Econ department. I reached there bout 5.30p.m., signed my name and worked with Yee Joo to get things going. Commander Tang has for us a truck load of mooncakes from which we should use common sense to squeeze charitable funds out of them. Pretty tall order considered that its dry goods and then mooncake festival has just passed but being who we are, we managed to get a satisfying sum out of the very very short time that we were allowed to paddle in the carpark.

With creativity, we managed to arrange a pretty decent stall out of nothing but 4 rectangular tables. Food were catered to all of us (and AIESECers were beginning to turn up in throngs). There were Digi and its Army and Hitz.FM (where i got THE XL sized shirt). Dr. Paul Chan, Mrs. Chan and Dr. Khong all turned up but what was more satisfying was the appearance of HELP ICT students, students of SEC which was acquired by HELP recently. We are like a one big family now. There was a makeshift stage where varied performances were catered to the euphoric us and we all danced and moved in response to the tunes. There were marshal arts performances, dances, bands, and if I'm not mistaken, an Indian singing Chinese song!

But perhaps, heaven got deeply moved by us that He decided to weep. Light beatings of rain drops and lightnings streaking across the sky signaled the premature end of the event.

Though I must say that it was a little bit of a let down towards the end, it is nevertheless a fun event, held for a good cause. And if I were to turn back time, knowing that it will still rain nonetheless, you will still see me running around like a madman in the rain in the open carpark, with an umbrella perhaps.

Finally getting what i want

I've always have a fetish for uniforms especially those of nurses and young secondary school girls. Its certainly seems that there is a primitive, barbaric urge coming from the deep recesses of my brain, to see, watch and stare those who wear them in full awe and admiration, a feeling that seems to have evolved ever since the time my ancestors walked out of Africa and had, over the ages, entwined into my DNA and now has come back to haunt me.

So to make things short, on my first day of work, unfortunately i saw many repair shop workers wearing their UNIFORMS to work, in full pride and honour, walking in gait that befits kings. And then there i was, i was standing like a pole in a corporate suit, with tie and stuffs getting ready to run the rat race, and looking very pity indeed.

I approached my HR person, asking whether, by a stroke of luck, that i will be able to don it myself one day. It was a courteous reply but one that i sense not to be forthcoming any sooner. And boy was i dead right, it never came.

So as days passed, my misery piled on and on until....one fateful day...

I was turning up for work as usual, on a cool windy morning, the crisp air kept me up. Above me, dark clouds swirl in a menacing way, a sign that a thunderstorm is fast approaching. As illustrated from my earlier blog, the distance from the bus stand to the office is quite far. So with brisk buy steady strides, i started my way to the office.

Halfway through, droplets of rain fell, and i noticed that the wind was blowing the rain clouds faster than expected. I broke in to a jog but alas, if not for the 25km/h speed limit road sign, i wouldn't have reached the office soaked wet, even with an umbrella.

Fate has an uncanny ability to knock on your door when you least expect it, but the HR guy, for some reason came across me on that morning. With sincerity, he offered me a shirt to change. THE UNIFORM!!! Now, I can rightfully claim that i'm a 100% company employee! I suspects that they have a stash of uniforms of different colours hid in a top security safe behind some trap door, and i'm quite determined to get all of them, well at least get one for each of my working day.

Sigh, can't wait for another rainy day...

Section 2

Now its already 5 weeks into my internship and i have practically met everybody in Finance and also in shopfloor. I'm getting quite a name for myself now, and people refers me as the 5000M (metre) man for my heroic effort in completing the event in the company's sports day. How i wish there is a USD in front as in "....the US$5000M boy ah....u know ah...."

The people here is super nice and friendly. I think there is an entry requirement that all employees should also be a qualified Colgate, Darlie model. Everybody I see wears a smile. And some guys are down right cool. Once I was following a colleague of mine to do some inventory check when i was brought forward to meet this particular employee. First question he asked was why am I here. When i tried to explain myself he became critical and accuses me of coming in for the money. I tried to remain holistic but then he chopped my sentence when i was halfway muttering god-knows-what and asked me to show my hand. He then went on to read my palm and made me feel naked. Then, when we continued our main topic he asked for 5 minutes and turned on his surround system in his office in the factory. Out came Rolling Stone's 'Satisfaction'. How cool was that? Sub-Zero.

I find the place a bit freaky though. My finance manager was an engineer before realising that finance was his thing. A colleague under a finance learning program had engineering as his first, business & commerce as his second and then finally doing finance now. Another young fellow currently also in the program plays in Damansara league and had twins. Wife still studies.

There were also lots of learning opportunities for me. As in the first day i have to read up all the company's product and answer questions like how well managed finance can improve Six Sigma those sort of next to impossible questions. There is also a guy name Dai who invited me to his Japanese class and now i know that Japanese is a super cool language. Now at least i know 'Itchy' means one. I'm also encouraged to speak Japanese as much as possible so you'll find me saying I want one pen as 'I want "Itchy" pen' or simply said, “我要一支笔”.

First day at work (1)

Well guys, I've started work on the 4th of June and it has been a 2 week work life for me, for now. I know that I do not have much working experience for a start but it is still bloody difficult for me to describe something so bloody unpredicted as in my first day of work.

So there was me, finally, just 4 days after working my ass off for my semester exam, I woke up and somehow found myself, standing in a dark, spooky morning at an ungodly hour of 5 o'clock, under a lichen-covered lamp post by the road side, its gentle glow shining on nothing but an idiot who stared aimlessly on an eerily empty highway, somehow convinced that lady luck will smile on him and that his bane, a.k.a. RapidKL will take him to the place he wanted to be. And at the very end of the day, it all boils down to the idiot's unwavering beliefs, unbendable will, and sheer determination that got him to his workplace 1 hour earlier than necessary. Enough said.

So looking at the time, I wisely spend my hour reading newspapers and thinking of nothing else but fear. Cometh 7.50 a.m., cometh the man, I approached the guard house, full of faked confidence and faked brimming smile, not realising the complex that I work in is well over 800 meters away. Looking back, I think I'm the only guy on earth that reaches 1 hour early but clock in 15 minutes late.

The whole compound is an SPM site, made up of many complexes. Mine was at the very, very end. The company I work for is GEESM and also has its own security system, so, very mafan la.

I was dressed up like a dude, complete with matching ties and belts + I combed my hair. Quite an unbelieveable feat. As i turned up, i found that i was being accompanied by a few other newbies, but they are contract workers. At the GEESM security checkpoint, i was told to wait for Mr. Z, which i thought was a code name. As i wondered what type of secret agency that i will be working for, Mr. Zach finally came. I was brought to the HR department and given a dress down on the firm's policies. Then, with another 6 contract workers, i was brought to another department for a briefing on safety. From there, i was brought around for a small company tour.

Hi Guys...!

Hi guys, owe you all an apology for abandoning my blog for quite some while, 4 months, to be exact. And within this period, not once have I opened the blog just to see what you guys are putting up coz there will surely be many complaints, which, from the look of the chatterbox, there is. Hey, Crazy Ivan, don't complain so much la. I was watching Heroes all the while.

Things were coming in thick and fast, and still do. I'm always busy managing my other blog, http://aiesechelp.blogspot.com, updating it every 2-3 times a week. I haven't have a weekend break for...the last 4-5 weeks? My mom says that I no longer spend much time for myself and the family anymore and I guess what she said is true. Now I'm supposed to be on holiday but I started work the week after my exams. A shot on the foot, huh?

It is perhaps the most turbulent quarter of my life. The learning curve for me is really steep until I've lost the charming smile on my face （can you imagine that???). I had my grandma passing away days before Chinese New Year and yes, I still miss her, her smile, her laughter, her warm wrinkled hands, her food, or simply the lively, serene sense of comfort that she used to radiate. I never fail to cry when i'm really thinking of her. And not to forget, nearly beaten up one of my 'relatives' for praying and ransacking her 'things' for 4D numbers. I still can't figure out how people can take 'opportunities' from a dead person. Especially when the person is close to you. I wonder what goes through his sicken mind when he was praying for/acting in front of my grandma. Anyhow, 2-3 numbers from the things we burn got 1st prize in 4D.

Besides grieving and learning a thing or two in finance, for the past months I was in hyper mode for my organisation, to forget my grandma or not to disappoint my grandma, I couldn't tell. All I know was that i'm always busy running meetings and meeting dead lines, so called because i'll be dead by the time the date line comes and I've got nothing to show. I have to take care of an induction camp for my society and getting the thing past me now is bout one of the best thing that has ever happened in my life.It was like finally getting married to a girl 18 while you are pushing on 90 that kinda sort of feeling.

Then, after that, I've found that I've neglected my studies. Felt so sorry for my mom and dad, and spend 2 weeks just playing catch up.

Then there is one other camp which I've joined, called EYLN in Bangi. And there are 2 more to come in the coming months of June-July.


Now i've gotten myself a job, working from 8.00 to 5.30 in Subang, I've got even less time to spare.

Looking back, hmm....what are the things that i've achieved for the past few months? Apart from screwing up my exams...nothing much.

My Deepest Apology

It seems that i have left out somebody very important in my last blog entry. Therefore, I would like to make up for her loss by thanking her again for celebrating my birthday with me. Wondering who she is? She's the pretty girl down there. Thank you very much.

Ee Siong (did I get the name right?) and his girlfriend

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Phew…a day came and gone and now I’m still staring into oblivion. Any how, it is time for me to say thank you too all who have celebrated my birthday together with me, Oscar style. First of all, I would like to thank my mom…blah blah blah…my dad…blah blah blah…my sisters…my sisters’ boyfriends…blah blah blah…especially to Kek Ea Ter, wish you luck and all the best in your ‘endeavour’…without you I would have trouble slicing the cake into 7 pieces…thanks also to Si Jian and my thoughtful friend from Aussie land…Esther…(its so sweet of you to send me the card!), Zac Wong etc… Thanks everybody and thanks again for your presents.

This birthday is by far my most memorable, even if compared to the time I managed to milk mom to triple my Ang Pow as my birthday fell on the first day of Chinese New Year.

I think I received my best birthday ever by being able to give happiness to other people. First and foremost, I was needed to do a 3 km night run for some one dear to me and I was able to do it under 25 minutes, which was very, very good considering that I need to cross busy streets and stumble into an amorous couple sprawled naked in the black alley.

Next was trying to apologise and make up to my first ever client. So sorry that I gave her cock eye and Julia Robert's mouth. I hope this is much better though there are still some adjustments to be made.



A penny for your thought on who she is. Leave the name in the comment box. I hope that this is not a tough one.

The last one, was, unfortunately, helping someone to finish and tidy up her debate speech. I think some things are better left unsaid. Haha!!

Happy Birthday?

Today marks the ending of a sweet score of years that I, of all others, was able to enjoy, and with hope, tomorrow will mark the beginning of another.

It certainly meant a lot to me. 20 years of joy and sadness (though the latter rules most, it made the former sweeter still) now comes to a wrap up. I was reading the newspaper together with my mom the other day, and then all of the sudden, I realized the passing of time, no thanks to the great grand old maid that is Chong Wen Ching.

On the very verge of my golden years (maybe, well on second thought, probably not), I reflected on my past, straining my grey matters to locate even the slightest of my achievements so far, which as usual, came to naught.

Despaired and in desperation, I asked mom what have I been doing all these years. Am I a filial child? Have I any skill or trade that might make you proud? Am I standing at the pinnacle of human evolution because I still have no girlfriend? (I mean, if I can’t get a girlfriend, obviously I can’t be getting married. And if I can’t be getting married, I won’t be able to have any children. There will be no person after me, right? That means my genes had reached an evolutionary dead end, right?) In fact, I even pressed further and asked her, “Mom, why am I not a gifted child?”

“Well, of course you are. Don't be silly. If we ever have to pay for you, we would have picked a much better one. Anyway, don’t ask me anything. I passed my first 20 years 4 decades ago. Now go haunt your father instead.”

So much for family togetherness. I think one reason Malaysia can’t progress is because of this but I have no qualms about it. 20 years of good home-cooked food is a godsend.

Speaking of food, it leads to the fact that I can’t hold my 21st birthday party because my grandma is admitted into the hospital. It is now 2 weeks since she is first hooked on an oxygen tank. Her heart is failing but her condition was much better yesterday. Her body is small and frail but there was the usual impish twinkle in her eyes where I find home.

Now, apart from wishing my grandma good health, I’ll also be hankering for MU to bury Arsenal 6-0 in premier league competition tonight and thus go 9 points clear off Chelsea. I hope that Park ‘oxygen tank’ Ji Sung will take part too. It’s a long, long time since MU wins the premiership.

Park Ji Sung

So, tomorrow will mark another ‘glorious?’ chapter in my life. I wish to extend my thanks to all my friends of my first 2 decades for staying and standing by me. Hopefully we can still be stand together in many years to come. Three cheers to another score of inter-buddy-entertainment!!!

2006 Fan Fair

Hey guys. It has been a very long time since I’ve blogged. Well, mom said I should avoid risky business when approaching the end of the year. That is, based on my own track record, that I should not touch my blog. So months went by without me even thinking of viewing the chatterbox. Who knows? I might even be electrocuted. Now, few days into the new year, I think I’m good to start.



It has been a whirlwind of a year this 2006 is. Many things had come and gone and I have no idea of where to start with, which also means that I’ve got a good excuse of finishing my blog here and now. Yet, knowing that there is no moral incentive to quit, I think I’ll better start talking rubbish instead.



I’ve always told my mom the most exciting thing to look forward to at year’s end besides Christmas is the yearly obituary. In other words, it’s who and who that has passed away during the previous year. In the deep recesses of my mind, something instinctive, something intuitive has always urged me to applaud and build my empire of happiness on other people’s sorrow. It never fails to amuse me, you know?



Of course, being a scrooge myself I’m not very willing to share my innards with all of you. All I can show and tell is some of the less non-notable highlights.



Many a people asked me what sort of a movie-going person am I? What sort of television programmes do I watch? Or, being born with a nerdy look, do I actually know the monitor-like black box in my house that my grandma used to borrow reflections to comb her hair when my sister is hording the toilet is actually a television?

I said, yeah. Of course I know what a television is. And I like to watch a variety of programmes especially those where the characters wear no clothes. No bras. No skirts. No panties.

And they asked again. Serious?

Well, actually no, there’s still one with the khakis. Steve Irwin.

It is a sad day to all conservationists the day they lost the champion. I don’t care that some says that he is a nuisance and that he can’t stop disturbing the wildlife. To me, I think all the critics are unfit to carry his shoes. By showing no fear in handling the animals, Steve told us which is tame and which is not. And for the latter, that they are not constantly looking to mess with us. If some of you find his way vile, crude and barbaric, please point your finger first to the directors of JAWS, BOA vs. PYTHON, ANACONDA, the MUMMY etc. These are the movies that fuel fears in man and made us discriminate and miss understand. In fact, so misunderstood I was that I spent a week away from the tub after JAWS.



Sometime between last year and the year before, an old and fatigue man with unkempt hair and dirty clothes were dragged up from the spider hole. I thought that it was very laughable that a notorious mass murderer should squeak like a mouse in his twilight years. I thought my, oh my, this will be the laughing stock till kingdom come. Yet, god willing, his enemies are so thick he was finally able to redeem himself at the very end. How on earth can a man be so calm and resilient when making the final steps to the gallows?? And it must be stressed that he has more dress sense than Madonna.

Yes. Saddam was no angel. He was probably from the same mould as Emperor Chin and Hitler. In fact he and Vlad the Impaler are the best of friends. However, in every sense, it still does not justify the way U.S. carry out the execution, which main purpose was to deny him a chance to celebrate the new year as a devote Muslim. And whose sadistic mind came up with the idea of making the execution into a public spectacle turned public fiasco? As a consequence, there’s more unrest in Iraq, people who adored him emulated him even in the way he died, people thinks that he is a martyr, and worst of all, the name Saddam Hussein is so popular that there’s an army of children in a village in Bihar, India called Saddam Husseins. 15 years from now, reading the newspapers will be next to impossible!!!

‘There was a public outcry in Saddam Hussien yesterday when Justice Saddam Hussein declared that the defendant Dr Saddam Hussein guilty for negligence because the plaintiff Mrs. Saddam Hussein, who was given contraceptives, conceived the now born healthy baby named Saddam Hussein during the treatment period. However, in a twist of events, according to medical reports, the baby was not fathered by Saddam Hussein, but by an adulterer of the same name. According to Mr. Saddam Hussein’s close friend, Mr. Saddam Hussein, their marriage was already in tatters well before Mr. Saddam Hussein left with his colleague, Mr. Saddam Hussein for a business trip on behalf of Hussein Inc. Report by Saddam Hussein.’

God bless those who work for a CEO of the same name.

I think the most terrible thing that the original Saddam Hussien did was to trust America like he used to. Personally, I still think that Bush envies Saddam’s looks. Hmm…I can almost smell it… Saddam Cheong Hu Sin……