2006 Fan Fair

Hey guys. It has been a very long time since I’ve blogged. Well, mom said I should avoid risky business when approaching the end of the year. That is, based on my own track record, that I should not touch my blog. So months went by without me even thinking of viewing the chatterbox. Who knows? I might even be electrocuted. Now, few days into the new year, I think I’m good to start.



It has been a whirlwind of a year this 2006 is. Many things had come and gone and I have no idea of where to start with, which also means that I’ve got a good excuse of finishing my blog here and now. Yet, knowing that there is no moral incentive to quit, I think I’ll better start talking rubbish instead.



I’ve always told my mom the most exciting thing to look forward to at year’s end besides Christmas is the yearly obituary. In other words, it’s who and who that has passed away during the previous year. In the deep recesses of my mind, something instinctive, something intuitive has always urged me to applaud and build my empire of happiness on other people’s sorrow. It never fails to amuse me, you know?



Of course, being a scrooge myself I’m not very willing to share my innards with all of you. All I can show and tell is some of the less non-notable highlights.



Many a people asked me what sort of a movie-going person am I? What sort of television programmes do I watch? Or, being born with a nerdy look, do I actually know the monitor-like black box in my house that my grandma used to borrow reflections to comb her hair when my sister is hording the toilet is actually a television?

I said, yeah. Of course I know what a television is. And I like to watch a variety of programmes especially those where the characters wear no clothes. No bras. No skirts. No panties.

And they asked again. Serious?

Well, actually no, there’s still one with the khakis. Steve Irwin.

It is a sad day to all conservationists the day they lost the champion. I don’t care that some says that he is a nuisance and that he can’t stop disturbing the wildlife. To me, I think all the critics are unfit to carry his shoes. By showing no fear in handling the animals, Steve told us which is tame and which is not. And for the latter, that they are not constantly looking to mess with us. If some of you find his way vile, crude and barbaric, please point your finger first to the directors of JAWS, BOA vs. PYTHON, ANACONDA, the MUMMY etc. These are the movies that fuel fears in man and made us discriminate and miss understand. In fact, so misunderstood I was that I spent a week away from the tub after JAWS.



Sometime between last year and the year before, an old and fatigue man with unkempt hair and dirty clothes were dragged up from the spider hole. I thought that it was very laughable that a notorious mass murderer should squeak like a mouse in his twilight years. I thought my, oh my, this will be the laughing stock till kingdom come. Yet, god willing, his enemies are so thick he was finally able to redeem himself at the very end. How on earth can a man be so calm and resilient when making the final steps to the gallows?? And it must be stressed that he has more dress sense than Madonna.

Yes. Saddam was no angel. He was probably from the same mould as Emperor Chin and Hitler. In fact he and Vlad the Impaler are the best of friends. However, in every sense, it still does not justify the way U.S. carry out the execution, which main purpose was to deny him a chance to celebrate the new year as a devote Muslim. And whose sadistic mind came up with the idea of making the execution into a public spectacle turned public fiasco? As a consequence, there’s more unrest in Iraq, people who adored him emulated him even in the way he died, people thinks that he is a martyr, and worst of all, the name Saddam Hussein is so popular that there’s an army of children in a village in Bihar, India called Saddam Husseins. 15 years from now, reading the newspapers will be next to impossible!!!

‘There was a public outcry in Saddam Hussien yesterday when Justice Saddam Hussein declared that the defendant Dr Saddam Hussein guilty for negligence because the plaintiff Mrs. Saddam Hussein, who was given contraceptives, conceived the now born healthy baby named Saddam Hussein during the treatment period. However, in a twist of events, according to medical reports, the baby was not fathered by Saddam Hussein, but by an adulterer of the same name. According to Mr. Saddam Hussein’s close friend, Mr. Saddam Hussein, their marriage was already in tatters well before Mr. Saddam Hussein left with his colleague, Mr. Saddam Hussein for a business trip on behalf of Hussein Inc. Report by Saddam Hussein.’

God bless those who work for a CEO of the same name.

I think the most terrible thing that the original Saddam Hussien did was to trust America like he used to. Personally, I still think that Bush envies Saddam’s looks. Hmm…I can almost smell it… Saddam Cheong Hu Sin……



 

New Genre of Bapa Ayam!!!

Red alert guys. Be afraid. Be very very afraid. There is a new version of Bapa Ayam in town. More suave, more style and more persuasive then ever before, these Bapa Ayam will pimp you in no time.

Well it happened last Saturday, when i was at Sri Petaling's Lrt station. I've got a date with my sisters and i was supposed to wait for them at about 6.30p.m. over there. There is a bus stop right in front of the station and it was there where i chosed to sit and wait, cracking my head on Stephen Hawking's A Brief History Of Time along the way.

I started waiting at about 6.20p.m., occasionally lifting my eyes from my book to scan the road. There were some 10-15 people over there, decent blokes i should say.

I was very engrossed in my reading. People came and left without me noticing. I really don't mind waiting over there for an hour or more. Nevertheless, at about 6.40p.m., i looked up again to make sure my sisters have not arrived yet. Well, one never knows whether they drove by a few times, missed my ugly face and start curing me, right? Suddenly, out of the blue, a thin, skinny man, dark in complexion, dressed unassumingly in typical T-shirt and shorts, holding a plastic bag in one hand and standing some 1.5 metres in front of me, turned his face away from the road and looked towards me. His mouth was slightly ajar and i thought i saw only 2 nicotine+coffee stained teeth in his lower jaw when he gave me a wry smile.

I gave him the 'I know kungfu don't mess with me' kinda look and resumed my reading. Yet, undeterred the man who i think was in his mid 30's try to strike a conversation with me.

He said in Mandarin:" Wah, waited very long oh? The stupid Intrakota bus never come on time. What time is it now?"

"Er, 6.40" Resuming my reading.

"Did the bus come at 6.15? It always come at 6.15."

"Er, I don't know" Resuming my reading once again.

"Don't worry, the bus will definitely come at 7.15. They always do. They never go on for more than 45 minutes." (Obviously he failed his maths)

"Er, they'll never come on time. Sometimes, for 1 to 2 hours. You'll never know" I answered, resuming my readin yet again.

"No lah. The interval is never more than 45 minutes. You know, last time, there was once the Intrakota stick one notice on a post in the bus stand and said "Bas Rosak".....bla... bla... bla..." He kept on rambling on the bus service while helping himself to an empty seat next to me.

Throughout the conversation, i only said "ah....ahha.....ya.....er...."etc. I've met nagging aunties and uncles on buses before and they never stop trying to hook you up on a conversation. They are pretty harmless and i thought this was another typical homesick lonely man.

However.......
"Hey, You've always waited for the bus at this station right?"He asked suddenly.

"Er....No i did not" I've never waited for buses at Sri Petaling's station before and his remark made me cautious.

"Yes you did! I've alwasy see you wait for the bus here around this time"

"No. It must be a case of mistaken identity" Getting afraid.

"Yes. I've seen you before. Where did you stay?"

I realised where this conversation is heading and I gave a pretty clever/stupid answer...."Sri Petaling loh"

"Eh this is Sri Petaling, issn't it?"

"Em... Near The Store"

"Oh... I see.... Well, would you like to have some fun with me?"

I screamed "Huh?????????? No no. I don't think i want to have fun with you"

"Don't worry. I can introduce 'zhai' to you"

I wondered the 'zhai' here means gay guys or girls. Anyhow, i shoke my head vigourously and said "no...no..."

" No need money one... no need money"

"No no no no no not interested...not interested" By now i'm shaking my head so much i can feel that i might shake out the fillings of my teeth.

"I give you my number....You want happy you call me..." And he fetched his phone.

" No No No"

"Why, there is nothing to worrry about what..." he tried to reason with me. " You looks is not bad..."

I would certainly want to nod my head but by this time my brain went out of sync and i regrettably shaked my head further.

"You got girlfriend or not?"

"No No No"

"Then there is no thing to be afraid of..."

"I'm not interested! I'm not interested!"

By this time my sisters came and quickly i ran off. It was such a nightmare. Some Bapa Ayam or Gay bastard tried to solicit sex from me. I'm now living in trauma. Why all Bapa Ayam in KL target me??? Gosh... girls, be careful.

Back by popular demand

Do you know that my monitor is currently out of order? It still work, just that my monitor shows everything in yellow. Anybody has any idea of how I can fix it? Or anybody has any idea why technology keeps disintegrating once I have touched them???? I think this is a very critical problem. Computers never fail to fail under me. When I were sitting for a class on Microsoft PowerPoint, the computer that I’m working on will never fail to crash, never fail to fail to run my slideshow at least once in five times and never show my graphs in proper manner in Microsoft Excel, no matter which one out of 60 computers that were available (and I’m using original).

That said, it has been a long time since I’ve bloged. Been to KL motorshow with Mun Ching, to see a play in Sentul Timur with my date Eli (muahahahahaha), and rejected my place at UKM. I’ve also seen many movies, like Tokyo Drift, Superman Returns and Robin Williams R.V.. The actions and breath taking camera angles in Tokyo Drift really make Initial D looks like child’s play. The girls are hot, cars cool, and the drifting simply electrifying. Just that the plot might be further strengthened. However, if the plot is compared to Superman Returns, Tokyo Drift will be seen as a class act. Apart from spirited performance by Brandon Routh, who portrays Christopher Reeves perfectly, I think the cast and the plot left much to be desired. Routh looked too young to be a father and the empty promises of Lex Luthur discovering the supreme technologies of Krypton a real let down. I thought Lex Luthur will gain the same powers of superman, or at least, possess crystal weapons that can swat F-16s like flies. The real excitement was when audiences discover Superman has a son and one of the thugs is actually an accomplished pianist!!! R.V. is a tasteful slapstick comedy and is very much entertaining. I think R.V. is a very good movie in a sense that there are many values as undertones. Its just that the beginning part was a bit boring. However, once you get into the think of things, the movie actually leaves you in stitches.

The next worthwhile movies to watch will be Pirates of the Caribbean and Dragon Tiger Gate. Anyone wants to watch with me? Of course not.

troubledshooter

Do you believe in luck? Do you believe in fate? Tell you a secret. Among my friends, i'm noted for bad luck with girls and tech toys. I'll not ponder anout my luck with girls cause that will be all too painful to me, I'll dwell on my flings with tech gadgets.

I'm never good with technology. Every damn thing that is not natural becomes garbage when they reach my hands. My friends admire me on my credibility on making electronics fail by itself. It might be me being too callous, too cowboyish when i use technology, but to tell you the truth, i still have no idea on what have i done wrong on the occasions that my tech toys malfunction. Nor did my friends.

My printers are champions of disasters. They can either get their printerhead spoilt or their cuicuit boards toasted just like that, or their ink dried up miraculously whenever i want to use them.

Recently, i've been fixing a lot of my company's computers, curing all sorts of problems. Too much maybe, that's why lady luck tried to test my hardware skills and fried my CPU instead. I've got such a shock of my lifew when i found out one eventful day when my monitor stars blinking on and off like a boy drowning and gasping for air. Me, financially desperate, tried everything, from simple switch on and off procedure to dissecting ram and graphic card and reassemble again. Nothing works!

So desperate was I that finally I reached ot for my friend, Zentrox, who uncannily, recommended all the steps that i've done. We reached a common understanding that it must be hardware failure and nothing short of a component replacement will do the trick. Unwillingly, we went to Low Yat together to get confirmation from professionals. (With all my cash that i ever had)

The verdict, motherboard and power supply unit failure. To make things worse, that guy ripped me off RM30. Then, i bought a new power supply unit and a motherboard for a total RM270. I've decided to assemble it on my own as i have not explored the connection between power supply and motherboard yet. We did the assemly at Zentrox's house. We really have a real fun albeit dangerous time exploring all the connections. Sometimes, we weren't really sure of what we are doing as not all instructions are stated in the readme file. We gambled on some ports but finally got my computer up and starting.

Later on, at my home, i tried reinstalling my windows, but my computer just can't detect the .exe files. It turned out that the cd-rom drive was spoilt. Funnily, it was really the last thing on my list that i suspect is spoilt as it can detect other files fairly well like mp3 and wav etc. I was so desperate that i even tried changing the IDE cables! Anyway, jargons a side, it set me back a hefty 115 bucks. Now, after all my investments, some RM450, inclusive of bus fare, my modem kept on giving me error 651. To tell the truth, i'm currently using my 3rd printer in 5 years, and my 4th cd-rom drive in 2 years. Heck, is this fate or what?

Troubleshooter

Sorry for writing late…..again. For the last few days I was very busy, being harassed by a certain fiend uh…..friend of mine half a globe away. If you want to complain, please go forth to www.kumonoito.blogspot.com and lodge your report on the chatterbox.

As some of you may know, my work involves me working with a computer, not on a computer. But it was exactly what I did these past few weeks, holding the screwdriver more than a pen. It all started less than 5 minutes into my new job, when my boss (BOSS A) asked me whether I’m computer savvy. He said that most computers here are old stuffs, and I said no problem (Well, actually I really don’t have any problem working with any type of computer as long as they are not older than me. Serious!).

Then, 5 days into my new job, he intercom me and asked me whether I can work a scanner. I told him no as I don’t have a scanner yet (at that time), and I have not used any scanner in my life yet (at that time). Later, I think it was another week later, my boss tried to introduce something high tech into one of my colleague’s computer that runs on Windows 95. It was a USB port meant for the PCI slot. My colleague unfortunately, does not possess the rudiments of a computer, and my boss was kinda busy. So he asked my help. I helped him fixed it but the problem was, the o/s has problems detecting the USB. Of course! USB doesn’t exist before 1999(I guess)! Anyhow, we never thought of that problem but suggest that it only happens to that particular computer. So he and I decided to try it on another computer. It was still the same (the computer was running on Windows 98).

Another colleague saw me working on the computer, asked me to rewire her computer because she wanted to shift her CPU some where else. I obliged. My boss kept an eye on me and from then on kept on asking me varied questions regarding computers. One day he will ask me to sit down in his office and talked and ask me to explain the difference of 16x dvd rom drive and 52x cd rom drive, asked me why one of his computer can play a certain dvd but another computer with almost identical specs can’t. Other days, he will pull out one IDE cable and another floppy cable and asked me what the difference is. Sometimes, he will ask me to give suggestions to his problems at hand, like how come he cannot safely remove his external hard drive. Some of these are so complicated I need to hide in the office toilet and send these IQ questions to Zentrox. (Fei Zhai, you really don’t know who Zentrox is? He is actually a computer idiot. That’s what he is. So whenever I got problems, I’ll call him and get my “Idiot’s guide to Computing”. Pretty handy though. Sometimes, we watch crazy movies together, like Ultraviolent and My Dick have fun with Jane. We often break our backs at some mountains near Star Hill, and our favourite movie is Alexander the Gay. Our worst moment is eating FABs together and our finest moment is preparing our gifts to 25 zhai.)

My ultimate was helping another boss (BOSS B) format his computer and setup the computer again, including LAN, antivirus and all that. It has 150G and it took me half a day. Then, BOSS A, I think, felt uneasy in relying me on tech support all the time, installed Norton Antivirus 2004 on one on my colleague’s computer. He knows that there was a virus EKK on the computer, and he wanted to clear it up. Unfortunately, after installation, it crashed. He didn’t want to tell me at first, but when the situation went dire, he said. “Shengcui, there is a problem with this computer. I think the antivirus software made it crash. You continue from here.” Then he went off.

It took me 3 hours to clean up the mess. I removed the hard drive, hook it to another ‘healthy’ computer, scanned it and cleared the virus before realizing the computer crashed because my boss was trying to run Norton Antivirus on 16 MB RAM!!! Then, 2 days later, my boss asked me to take out another colleague’s computer hard drive so that he can hook it up with his computer via his external hard drive casing, so that he can mimic what I did last time. I don’t know what happened but the whole hard disk went dysfunctional after that. The computers, both my boss and my colleagues, don’t recognize the hard disk format. Even a computer technician certified the hard disk as dead. Nothing short of a reformat will do. All data would be lost. (The data here involves the data of the whole company for 6 years!!!!)

I don’t know what I did but at the end of the day, I ‘revived’ it. All data is intact. All my colleagues and BOSS A asked whether I entered the wrong stream, and urged me to give my career a total rethink. Well, actually, to tell the truth, I’m completely no good in computer before all these. After all these problem solving, I’m only slightly better in computer skills. It’s my BOSS A that stimulates me to think and apply my computer common sense. It is him that provided me the chance to push my tech skills further, and helped me gained invaluable insights and experience in computer trouble-shooting. And to think of him placing the fate of a more than 25 year old firm into the hands of a barely 20 year old kid that he barely knows, I think he is among the best bosses I will ever work with. Thank you.

Trip to Malacca, Food Havoc.

I'll first write about my two trip to Malacca. My first one was god knows which saturday. My parents and I went down to Malacca to attend a ponggal, an indian thanks giving ceremony performed in gratitude of their gods. My family friend's wife, also er.... my family friend, had suffered from a stroke, and her husband, a hindu priest and medium which i call aneh, had done prayers in the hope that his wife will recover. Since then her health has improved and so he dicided to hold a ponggal at his temple. Its a Sri Mariaman temple but here's the catch. The temple is no ordinary temple, but one deep in an oil palm estate. My father says on a 'fierce' night, he can hear tigers growl. My father's car has to endure the bumpy dirt road's drive of roughly 15 minutes. The surrounding was dark, with owls howling and cows mooing. Anywhere we go, the car light seems to shine on trees. I wonder whether my father has any help from the divine because his car failed to fall into a ravine.
Soon we reached the temple, greated by fluorescent lights and a beaming uncle sedhu, my father's childhood friend. My father, on seeing him, turned into a young boy again and i, for the past 10 years wondering for the reason why i'm so em.... 'ganjil', finally got to know why i am what i am. Its all too similar!!!
We saw aneh and his family. His wife has almost recovered, with only swellings to his left hand and inability to control her vocal chord.
My mother and i followed the hindu custom by praying to ghanapathi, then to Ah mah, to lord murugan, then to kali, to muniandy and then finally ending by praying to ghanapathi again. To cut things short, we finished our ritual and cooked milk rice with brown sugar in honour of 'Ah mah' which we feasted on. Then, my father sped my mother and i back to Malacca town and we had a good look at Malacca's night life. Then, he brought us to eat satay celup.
This particular owner, the third generation running the shop, is a keen businessman who offers special prawn satays for 50 cents each if he finds you eating a lot. U can't grab or ask for it. They will distribute it the way they like. These prawns usually measures up to 5-6 inches long which are big! they are thick, juicy and succulent. That guy saw us gobbling up our food so he gave us three. One 6 inches long and two 5. I took them, gave my father the 6-inch-long and both me and my mother had the 5-inch-longs. My mother must have taken it to heart because when the next round came, the guy gave us another prawn and my mother took it all for herself. The guy gaver us only one prawn. If my father's prawn was incredibly big, this one is obscene coz its 8 inches long. Yup its 8 INCHES LONG!!!!! If u want a clearer picture of it, look at the length of you arm from wrist to elbow. She can't even dip the whole prawn into the boiling pot, and it took her some 10 minutes to cook it.
The next trip down to Malacca was during ching ming. It is one of the days which me and my brother desperately looked forward to. We went there early in the morning to beat the heat of afternoon sun. After performing the rituals at my grandma's grave, we headed down to Malacca town again, and once again, for food. My brother and i gobbled up 9 plates of 'Tau gua' or bean curd which is some 60 pieces of them. Because every Ching Ming day is food day, my grandma must be rolling in her grave.

All work and no play makes jack suffers from constipation

Yup! You all happy now? For the past week, I've been doing O.T., and my computer was giving me a handful. So, my toilet time was worse then labour. Maaybe i'm too stressed up and all i need is to relax a bit(at the expense of my boss). Sorry for not blogging this past 2 months. I've been really busy, but i'll relate all to you. I went down to Malacca twice. One to attend a ponggal and the other time was for Qing Ming. MY granny had her birthday dinner, my mom did hers and my papa had it too. I got dispatched to Serdang to work, came back to office after a week, found more work, done all of it and more work again. MY computer caused me loads of troubles and made me real desperate, and broke too. I'll write all these in a couple of days and show you on my blog. The night is getting older, and my eye pouches are getting darker. Thats all for today:)